Anch'io ti amo, papà
by Silence of a Broken Child
Summary: After Feliciano makes an attempt on his life, his family is left to worry. But after a talk with Roderich things seem to get better for Feliciano. Human AU. AusHun. Attempted suicide, mentions of self-harm. Way overdue request for traumschwinge.


Well holy crap traumschwinge, this is like way late. And I'm sorry about that. I just got really bad writer's block and I've just been really busy. I'm really sorry it took me so damn long. Yeah, sorry, I suck.

* * *

A knock upon his dorm door is what woke him that morning. Exactly three hours before his alarm went off in fact. Groggily he felt his side table for his glasses and came up fruitless. Another knock shook his door and he felt his wife slip his glasses on his face and rush towards the door. The door opened to reveal a panting Lovino. Elizabeta was quick to start questioning her son in rapid Italian. After a brief conversation Elizabeta turned and face him. "It's Feli, we need to head to the hospital." The alarm bells went off in his head.

"Okay." He didn't ask any questions, he just sent Lovino to gather everyone up while him and Elizabeta changed. Roughly three minutes later the family was driving towards the hospital. Edwin was the only one who was dozing off, not understanding the severity of the situation. Roderich had expected many things from Feliciano but not this. This was something he would have expected from the reclusive Vash or from the sensitive Carlino. But not the irritable, strong Feliciano. He was much like his oldest brother. He didn't take anyone's bullshit.

The moment the car stopped in the parking lot everyone damn near jumped out. Roderich grabbed Edwin's hand, to avoid another medical bill. The family was forced to sit in a mint green waiting room and wait for news on the Hungarian-Italian teen. Elisa had long but fallen asleep on her step-mother's arm while her older brother kept a close eye on her. Carlino and Lovino were anxiously waiting for news on their brother. Carlino looked scared and Lovino looked pissed. "Már hívta még, mama?" Lovino directed the question towards his mother.

"Nem, még nem." Elizabeta sighed, glancing back down at Elisa, sleeping on her shoulder. Roderich glanced over at his oldest biological son.

"Gehen Sie Anruf Gilbert, Vash," Roderich ordered. "Sagen Sie ihm, Ludwig und Ihrem Großvater zu bringen." Vash gave a stiff nod and stormed off. He was probably going to punch a mirror before he called him and then he'd have to clean him up.

"Why didn't you go call them?" Elizabeta demanded and hurled a glare at him. She recognized that Vash suffered through anger in a violent, almost savage, way that could potentially be toxic to not only his health but other as well. Roderich neglected to justify his case, for he knew that his spouse wouldn't agree with any justification he attempted. He hadn't wanted to assign his son to the task, but the father accepted the fact that the poor boy didn't know any other way to deal with his woe.

About fifteen minutes later he received the inevitable call from his son, asking to help him clean up his mess. He didn't hesitate in getting up and heading towards the nearest bathroom. Sure enough Vash had pushed himself back in a corner clutching his bloodied hand. Roderich sighed. "Kommen Sie hier Vash." He switched to their native tongue as he motioned for the teenager to some towards him. Vash was barely able to push himself up off the ground, for his hands kept sliding on the blood. "Honestly, what are we doing to do with you," he mumbled.

"Sorry." Roderich ignored him and began removing the glass from his hand. Vash stayed silently through the process. "I'm trying, you know." Roderich only paused briefly to take his words into account.

"I am aware," Roderich replied, and removed the last piece of glass. "Go wash the blood off." Roderich turned on his heel and went to search for bandages for Vash. He managed to flag down a nurse and get the needed supplies. When he came back Vash was gone. He only panicked briefly, before he saw that he had moved into a stall. "Vash, come out."

"I'm tired." Roderich blinked. "I'm tired of everything." Vash's voice cracked. He swallowed and let out a deep breath. Don't lecture him, that's Elizabeta's job.

"Please, Vash just come on out." There was no movement inside the stall.

"I can't let them see me like this."

"Like what, Vash?" Roderich snapped. "A human being with weakness and emotion?" A sob. That was all it took for Roderich to feel like shit. Vash rarely cried and when he did it was usually his fault. He let out a sigh. "Vash, please, just come out here so I can bandage your wound, you don't have to go back out until you're ready."

He heard the door unlock and he let out a soft sigh of relief. The two remained silent until Vash's hand was wrapped up. Vash shifted uncomfortably. "Ich liebe dich, Vati." Roderich ruffled the boy's hair.

"Ich liebe dich auch, Vash." Placing a kiss on his forehead, the father left him there. Though despite knowing he would be fine, he didn't want to leave him.

* * *

Soon after he reentered the mint green room Elisa awoke and started questioning him. "Elisa quick pestering your father, Vash is fine I'm sure." Elizabeta shot him a questioning look and he gave a nod before taking a seat next to his wife. "How is he?"

"Refuses to come out, I think I'm going to have someone check his hand out." Roderich sighed.

"What did he do?" Elisa asked, her question laced with annoyance. Roderich ran his hand through his hair.

"Punched a mirror." Elisa rolled her eyes, used to her older brother's antics but not any less annoyed. Roderich ruffled the girl's hair softly. She gave a whine of displeasure. A silence fell upon the remaining family members. It would remain that way if Edwin stayed asleep. If he woke they'd be bombarded with questions.

"Mr. Edelstein?" All eyes shot up and fell upon the man standing in front of them. He was wearing a white coat with the name 'Timothy Green' sewn into it. Before anyone could ask him any questions he started speaking. "He's fine, we closed the wound and he's asleep now."

"Can we see him?" Elizabeta beat him to asking the doctor.

"One at a time," The doctor replied. "We don't want to overwhelm him if he does wake up."

"Also could you possibly check out of my other son's?" Elizabeta asked politely but sounded rather annoyed. The doctor nodded. "Perfetto!" As his wife and the doctor retreated to find his son, all the other children looked expectantly at him.

"Keep an eye on Edwin, I'll try to find his room." Roderich was a bit annoyed that the doctor hadn't told them that much. He set off to find the teen's room but at the same time thought about how this could of happened. They'd been so careful. But it was all in vain.

"Ah, sir, are you looking for someone?" A nurse asked nervously.

"I'm looking for the room of Feliciano Vargas, do you happen to know where that is?" The nurse gave a nod and smiled.

"Right this way!"

* * *

The first thing that crossed the Roderich's mind when he saw Feliciano laying in the hospital bed was that he'd fucked up. When he had married Elizabeta he had promised to protect them. He had promised that they would never have to experience what they had when they had lived under their biological father's roof. And sure they hadn't, but that didn't change the fact that Feliciano had the availability to a razor. Even after they had found out about his self-harming incident they had sworn to keep things like that from his reach. And now here he was in a hospital after an attempt to take his life with a razor that he shouldn't of ever had access to.

He raked his fingers through his hair. It was his fault. He should of kept a better eye on him. If he none of this would have happened. Sometimes he felt like a failure of a parent and now was one of those instances. He trained his eyes on the sleeping form of Feliciano. He was so much paler than he usually was. He had clearly lost weight as well. "Fick sie alle." He grumbled.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there before he heard the sheets rustling and a whimper. His eyes fell upon the waking form of his step-son. Roderich sat up straight. Hazel eyes slid open and fell upon the older man sitting next to the hospital. His lips parted. A shriek broke through the tense silence that had fallen. Roderich froze. "Feliciano!" Elizabeta's voice traveled down the hallway, filled with concern.

"Vai via!" He cursed himself for never learning Italian. "Vai via!" Elizabeta was in the hospital room and immediately started calming Feliciano down in soft Italian. Feliciano buried his face in his mother's shoulder. "Mi dispiace." He sobbed, voice muffled by the fabric of Elizabeta's dress. "Sono un idiota."

Elizabeta stroked his hair softly and whispered, "No, no non sei dolce." Feliciano pulled away from his mother's embrace and rubbed his eyes. It was unusual that Feliciano cried. He always strived to be strong for his brothers.

"Es tut mir leid." Feliciano mumbled. Roderich ruffled the boy's hair.

"No there's no reason to be," Feliciano opened his mouth the protest. "You made a mistake, and I'm not angry about it." Feliciano's hazel eyes locked with his violet.

"You should be." Feliciano grumbled. Roderich took a deep breath.

"Feli, honey, he's right," Elizabeta beat him too it. "It was just a mistake, sweetie, no one is mad at you." Feliciano averted his gaze towards the white sheets that covered his mutilated legs. Roderich glanced up at his wife.

"Elizabeta, may I have a moment alone with him." His wife looked hesitant but didn't protest. When they were alone Roderich stood and sat on the edge of the bed. "Why?" Feliciano raised an eyebrow. "Why did you do it?"

Feliciano stayed silent for a moment. "I was tired."

"Tired?" Roderich inquired with a cocked eyebrow.

"I was tired of dealing with everything." Feliciano swallowed. "Ever since that incident nobody's looked at me the same or treated me the same," he sounded close to tears. "I dunno I just felt like nobody wanted me around anymore, ya know?" He gave a mirthless chuckle. "Eduard won't even touch me anymore," his voice rose. "Do you even know what that's like?"

"Yes, I do." Roderich sighed. "I wasn't much younger than you when it happened." Feliciano glanced up at him. "If I remember correctly that was about the time Gilbert was born." Feliciano shifted. "I was heading towards the hospital because my mother had gone into labour and was about to give birth to him, and well there were these drunk men heading towards the train station and I can assume you can guess what happened after that."

"You never told us." It wasn't a question, it was a statement.

"I didn't see why that was important for you to know," Roderich sighed. "Nobody's looking at you different because they think you're disgusting Feliciano, they just don't know how to act because it's different after your raped," Feliciano cringed at that word. "They don't want you to go into a panic, Eduard doesn't want to touch you because he's worried it'll upset you."

"Why would th-"

"Most people after they've been sexually assaulted don't feel comfortable being touched, it makes them uncomfortable," Roderich tried to explain. "Ludwig and Kiku were the first people to come see you after, you remember that?" Feliciano nodded. "If they didn't want you around anymore because you'd been raped they wouldn't of come."

"I tried talking to Lovino, but he said it's different when you're sexually abused," Feliciano told him. "He said that you don't just move on, it stays with you forever." Roderich almost winced. None of them should be having to deal with this sort of thing. They were just children. Just like Gilbert was when that guy was stalking him. Just like Vash was when his mother abused him. Just like Julchen was when she was raped. None it was fair for a child to have to deal with.

"I wish there was more I could do for you and your brothers." Roderich admitted.

"What happened after you were…" Feliciano didn't finish the sentence.

"I just layed there afterwards, probably would of stayed there had my father not found me," Roderich sighed. "After that I was sent off here to finish my education, that's when I met your mother." Feliciano hummed in interest. "We dated for a while and I developed a close bond with Toris and Feliks, but after I finished my education I moved to Austria and went to college, got a wife had Vash and Elisa and then had to move back here where I met your mother again and we both remarried."

"You two dated in high school?" Feliciano almost giggled. Roderich nodded, a soft smile growing on his face.

"Before that she dated Feliks," Roderich told the teen. "They don't regret breaking up and they weren't bitter about it either, they were just too much like friends for it to work out." Roderich took a deep breath. "Look, Feliciano, me and your mother don't love you any less because of this and we aren't angry."

"Why not?"

"Because we love you."

"Anch'io ti amo, papà." Roderich blinked a few times. Before pulling the boy into an embrace.

"If you don't mind, Roderich, I'd like to see my son too." Elizabeta was standing in the doorway smiling at the two. "And so would Lovino and Carlino." Roderich released the auburn haired boy before exiting the room. Feliciano would be fine.

* * *

German translations

Gehen Sie Anruf Gilbert- Go call Gilbert

Sagen Sie ihm, Ludwig und Ihrem Großvater zu bringen - Tell him to bring Ludwig and you're grandfather

Kommen Sie hier Vash. - Come here Vash

Ich liebe dich, Vati - I love you, daddy

Ich liebe dich auch, Vash - I love you too, Vash

Es tut mir leid - I'm sorry

Hungarian Translations

Már hívta még, mama - Have you called him, mama?

Nem, még nem - No, not yet

Italian Translations

Vai via! - Go away!

Mi dispiace - I'm sorry

Sono un idiotia - I'm such an idiot

No, no non sei dolce - No, no you aren't sweetie

Anch'io ti amo, papà - I love you too, dad


End file.
